It's odd because, well, I don't really dress that well. I take as little time possible to get ready for school, and I really look messy. I have shoulder-length hair which is always messy because I hate combing. I wear a cap to keep my hair in place because it sometimes covers my face. I always wear maong/camo shorts which only cover the upper lower portion of my body. By Upper Lower portion I mean the upper portion...of the...lower portion... You get it, right? Anyway, these shorts show off my manly hairy legs. My feet sport my slippers, which is usually the worn out paint covered ones I've been using for god knows how long, and my nails are damn dirty because I rarely cut them. I'm also thin as hell, even thinner than my sisters(which they hate). And for the shirts I wear, It's usually the first thing I grab from my wardrobe.
To summarize the above paragraph: I look like a patay gutom hobo whom you'd never expect to be a La Salle student. Here's the thing though: I still get pestered by these PSBs no matter what I look like. Even when I'm wearing slippers, they still use their dirty rags and "clean" my feet. By "clean", I meant befoul. A rare specie of PSBs sport a WET rag and believe me, wet rags do wonders on your feet. If you think cringinging to the thought of a wet dirty rag befouling your toes are wonderful.
With all the dastardly germs they're probably infecting my feet with, they still expect to be paid. After they crawl all the way to the front, soiling every shoe they can find, they stand up and look at the passengers with puppy dog eyes and a raised hand expecting to be paid for the deed. Some of them even speak up and then you'll feel the urge to pay and if you don't, you'll look like a total asshole.
There are different kinds of PSB's too. Although, the other kinds don't really Punas Sapatos. But they have basically the same thing in mind: Offer a service you don't really need. Do the service even if you didn't agree to it. And expect to be paid. The other types of PSB's include: Christmas Caroler Boy who mysteriously appears only in the Christmas Season. I don't know about you people, but I prefer my Christmas Carols in the middle of April, thankyouverymuch. CCB appears in the jeepney, sits on his throne(the trashcan), and with a musical instrument of choice(usually a flute or the Nido can with plastic on top which you hit with a stick), and sings a Christmas Song. There is also the Papel Boys. PB's appear in your Jeepney, give you scraps of paper with their plead of money written on the said piece of paper. These guys are way tougher to handle than regular PSBs but more fun. Tougher because it's tough to not give them anything when you return the paper. Fun because the things written on the paper are usually funny as shit. Here's one that a friend of mine told me:
"Ate, Koya, Penge po pera pambili ng panti at bago selpon" All written in crayons to make it cute and colorful. No, I didn't make that up(If anything, its the guy who told me that would have made that up if he did), and the PSB was male.
Encountering a PSB is a lose-lose situation. No matter what happens, you still lose even if you didn't give him some change. So with all the PSBs I've encountered, I have made some handy tips to minimize if not eliminate the loss.
1.) Rationalize the Situation. You didn't ask for the service, therefore you are in no way indebted to their service. Of course, they're supposed to make you feel that way. Here's what I do. They say the best things in life are free. Therefore, to make the most of the experience, then THINK it's free. Therefore, that's one of the best things in life right there. Be Original with your thoughts! Here's what my thoughts are: "Awww~! Aren't they nice, crawling rusty jeepney surfaces just to make me feel like a king. And they're doing it out of Love~ How I wish all streetchildren were like this." and if I'm feeling crafty it goes something like "Dear God, the poor are at it again! They are public utility vehicles all around the world to earn money so that they can hatch their plan to rule the world! Hah! I'm on to you, you 5 year old conspirator! I know your evil plans! You won't get anything from me!". It's thoughts like that that give a smile to my face while I get my feet 'cleaned' and not pay them.
2.) Don't make eye contact. The eyes are the windows to the soul. And what's behind the soul of a PSB? Well... There's uhh. Suffering, Poverty, Hunger....basically the things that would make you think they need help. You need to avoid looking into their dark damaged souls because once you do you just want to color up their worlds by giving them your hard earned change. And if you've read this far, you probably don't want that. Here are some things you could do to avoid this:
a) Wear a cap. Not only do caps make you look badass, you can avoid eye contact too! So there, win-win! You probably looked badass denying their pleas for some money too, which is awesome.
b) Look at the other beautiful scenery you can find in Jeepneys. Look around, there are loads actually. Maybe its the misspelled "Pull String to Stuff" sign, or the hairy armpit of your jeepney driver. There are lots of things in there that can claim your attention wtihin the minute of the ordeal. My personal favorite is staring at the rosary so I could look into the eyes of God and not help my neighbors.
c) Stare back at him. Now, I know I just told you to avoid eye contact, but hear me out here. If you look at him eye to eye, you can engage him in a battle of perseverance and probably scare the crap out of him and look badass while doing it(if you wear a cap). You persevere not to pay him, he perseveres for your money. It's a one-on-one, eye-to-eye, adult-versus-5yearoldkid. You'll probably win and sometimes scare him off. And if you do scare the crap out of him, then you just saved the other passengers from having to pay him. You're a Hero! However, I do not recommend this if you have: a heart. Because you'll probably lose you wuss.
3.) Don't speak to them. PSBs are usually children(..and if they're not, well you probably would want to hold your cellphones and wallets tight). Children have a very inquisitive nature which makes them really, really....annoying. Of course, for PSBs their inquisitions usually come in the form of something like "May piso ka?" or "Kahit ano?" or "Nyek, Benchingko lang?" which have to be some of the more annoying questions you have to face in a Jeepney. Of course it is inevitable at times to to avoid this:
a) Don't sit in front(with the obvious exception of the seats beside the driver). The kids usually annoy the people upfront because of the universal canon: Cool kids sit at the back. Cool kids don't like to pay, therefore they turn to the people in front. However, at the same time avoid the back. Why? Because the PSB's also tend to annoy the people at the back as a last ditch effort to get some money. Sit in the middle and let the other passengers do the talking(and paying).
b) Wear a cap. Who'd want to talk to a badass with a cap? Hey now that I think of it. Maybe this is why I don't have much friends......Bah, who cares?
c) Trash talk. Again, with the obvious contradictions. But think about it, if you can't trash talk a 5 year old kid into submission, then you're probably better off giving him some money. If you want, you can also use your allies. The younger passengers and the jeepney drivers hate PSB's as much as you do. Don't expect much from people above 40 though. But everyone else should help you fight off these 5 year olds. Why, one flash of the driver's hairy armpit should be enough for them to shit their pants.
And last but not the least:
4.) Don't give them ANYTHING. I wouldn't give them my time. I know it sounds evil, but hey think about it. If you give them their money, what makes you think they would use it to make their lives better? They'd probably do poor stuff like....buy rugby or bet on horse races and the lotto or give the money to the guy in the syndicate because we all know syndicates love to beat up streetchildren. If we stop giving them money, then they'd stop begging for it and start working for it. Give them 2 pesos and in the end, you just further worsened the economy because that's 2 Pesos unaccounted for. Then you blame the government for the bad economy. How dare you?
-Jed Zulaybar
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